She is always a woman to me

With puffed up tomato like cheeks,
Dimples she gets when she would speak,
She would hug a stranger in a fit of a joy,
And hit a known when annoyed.
With a perpetual frown she would keep you at bay.
She wants to know more, but resist from listening.
She would tell you all but you would feel there is more.
She knows her limits, and that would be the sky.
She would tell you your limits and that wouldn’t be the sky.
She knows how to say please, but never say sorry the way it’s supposed to be.
She could lie thru her teeth and even though you would know, you don’t mind.
She loves to be praised, but ignores when done so.
You would be family as long as she wants; you could be enemy as long as you want.
She could handle a crowd, by just a few words, she didn’t really mean.
She would tell you that she has substance, without her knowing herself.
She would flirt with you not knowing the effects.
She would have choley chawal day in and out
And take you out for a six course meal.
She would show of her arms, and keep you off her eyes.
She loves her babies, but forgets to love herself.
She adjusts and compromises, not knowing for what.
She has all the men in her life but she misses the man in her life,
And that might make you feel important
She has all the pain, but willing to forget it.
She is lonely at heart but grows on her facebook
She has come of an age and is writing the future.
She is unclear of her virtues and vows but would soon realize.
She can be misguided upto an extent, but when she finds her way, you’d better watch out.
If you think she is charming now, wait till she is eighty, she will have elegance and beauty beyond par. (Praise, she would ignore)

Ooohhhh (like the Billy Joel poem)
She takes care of her self; she is always on my mind
She smiles like a child, she cries like a baby
She is always a woman to me.

Reflections

Narcissus was a boy who knelt beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning he fell into the lake and drowned.
The lake wept so much in grief that the waters turned salty. When asked why it cried? , and if Narcissus was beautiful?
The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:
“I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.”

I start to reflect, on my own relationships, thanks to friends and their friends.



Living away from my parents from the age of six, I must have known a couple of dozen people that I must have cried for when parting from. Every relationship that I have had reached a certain point where good byes were necessary. Guess, it is the same for everyone. I can only tell about myself.
The memories of old relationships always give me a wet eye and a smile, simultaneously.
Friendship to me was the only relationship worth pursuing.

Then I have a relationship that would never end, that was the commitment. Till death do us apart.
Having a hangover from 24 years of your life is natural.
Me, like a fool was looking for another friend, with whom I could do everything that I couldn't with my earlier roommates. Also I was expecting my partner to behave like my mother when it came to handling my family and then be a business associate and then the most social person I would have ever met, watch Die Hard with me, Make drinks for me, be cuter than Preity, sexier than Bipasha and make love like…. Whoever! Most men I guess have the same problem.

All my life I have had friends and they still remain my friends without taking responsibility for any of them.
There were relationships of romance and still no commitment and I still long for the same.
But then I am a committed man and all can do is long. Expecting that I could have done better and perhaps the feeling is mutual.
This would only make me an unhappy person, living in a situation that I can not change. Making it worse, for both of us.

In days of stressful activity, one forgets to identify the reasons of differences. Fights and makes it up, as carrying on is more important. But when I see the future, both of us, with time on our hands. Are we going to be irrational to our differences or do some soul searching?

In last few months of travel I did get enough time to ponder on my side of the story.
Every time that I narrated a leaf of my history book, where I had a cheerful and smiling face, I could see discontent on the other side. Forcing me to keep my happiness to myself.
Over the years, I learnt to think of my past as my sole area of solitude and bliss.

But as I share them with a friend, I learn to analyze my past. I learn not to make the same mistakes again. Trying, to find a way of keeping my commitments and not the negatives of responsibilities.
I always wanted my spouse to be my friend.
I was wrong in demanding that. A spouse can only be a spouse, maybe a little bit of friend but not all of it.
Similarly she can not be the sole love of my life, or a business partner or my mother. She can perhaps have some shades of all of it. Like the color white.
But to demand just one shade would be sacrilege for both of us. Because I would not really want that.
I can’t share everything with her and would not expect her to share all of them with me.
I can’t live like I lived in a boarding.
I need my space and she needs hers.
If I consider my spouse my responsibility, she would be considering the same.
So I would better understand that she is not my responsibility, in fact no one is.
The biggest responsibility that anyone has is towards oneself.
Friendship also has shades, at times very intimate, and possibly romantic too. But that is no reason for matrimony.
In fact if you wish to end your romance on a bad note get married.
Living is loving. And that is how all husbands and wives love each other; any other form of love is temporary, till you see him or her scratching their butt.

We will have to wait for some time for her to understand this idea, which I think would lead to happiness, for both of us.


I love my past and enjoy thinking about it more than I enjoyed living them. What I do today is going to be a past tense tomorrow. I am only making memories for myself.

As far as my good friends are concerned, you are my guiding star, which help me reach where I wish to go. More than looking at your beauty I reflect myself in your eyes. And when Narcissus was looking at you, he was not looking for your beauty, he was looking at his. I know, even you are looking at your self, in my eyes.

This is the best I can do to justify my lecherous behavior, I am doing it for us darling.

Does it matter

Does it matter…
That, I am the center of this universe.
That this world is in chaos or in order
If it was the egg first or the chicken
If it were apes or gorillas
If it was earth or another planet
If we are alone
If there is life after death or this is death itself
If seeing is believing or distraction from truth
If there is any truth
That pain gives me pleasure
Abstinence satisfaction
Whether you is me
All within me,
Stars, moon, night, river, love, passion, smile, life, death and finally the pyre.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

.....is the question. I have had a few drinks beyond my limit and paid for it once. If I continue, I will pay for it for the second time.

I have Been wanting to write about so many things lately,

Arushi murder case- that CBI is nothing but some Delhi police act enacted in some weird year, which has no relevance today and acceptance of crime is not permissible in Indian courts. the least that UP or Delhi police could do is watch Discovery channel to know how forensic evidence is gathered.

Iceland is the happiest country in the world as per UN DP report, as promiscuity is acceptable. owing to the old viking culture. I have a point to prove here. Details - some other time.

Sauvik, is a connoisseur when it comes to weed and classic liberalism.

I know why i like- who ever now- lets call her Priety , as i see the full moon today, she brings out the best of romance in me. something I have been missing for a long time, and could not pin point. its imaginary but i get to smile all day, and not get stressed about my routine business affairs. I am aware that I might edit, this tomorrow morning, but God give me strength to retain it. I am selfish to this extent. But then its a virtue i believe in.

china Garden serves good and simple Chinese food. Thanks Mr. Niel son Wong.

Sex and the city, a good movie for all women and men to see individually.....moral of the story " I love you, but I love myself more"...lets all love Our selves and rest will follow.

Mr. Hunter is Now the Hunted.

That I am Going Back to Patna today.

Getwell Soon Ma

Mother sleeps like a child in my arms for last two nights. An experience that brings tears into my eyes, as I watch every frown, every freckle, every mole on her face. Reversal of roles is unusual, especially in the case of mother son relationship. I have been fortunate enough to have this opportunity.

I Had shown my apprehensions on the doctors decision to remove her uterus et al. But after mush persuasion and understanding of the situation, we bought her to Delhi for a laproscopic removal of the organs.

Medical Science in terms of technology has revolutionised. No knives, no Incision, no Blood, and you can walk home in 24 hrs. after having some major organs removed from your body. The Doctor performing this does not have to be an 50 year old experienced hand with a stable arm. You need someone who is good at a joystick and computer games to perform well.

This Doc was not as pretty as her Patna counter part. But has a good smile. She came out of the OT with all the removed organs in her hand, tossing them she was showing us what went wrong with the appendicitis. The Whole operation looking like some chicken dressing exercise done playing video games.

Nights at the Hospital have been quite disturbing and full of revelation, though for different reasons.

I am convinced. I am now writing a book. will start soon and end June 2009. That is some planning. It is going to win Pulitzer prize and will make me famous and rich.

Happy Birthday

She must be 36 today. I haven’t been in touch with her over 13 years now. No, I don’t miss her much.
She was in practical terms my first love. I was 16 and she was 14. She used to come to our hostel every weekend. And I used to waiting for her.
Our first physical contact was a tight slap from her. It was an accident, I must have scared her with something and in a reaction, I got a tight rap. Like I am today, I took it in a positive way. She had after all touched me. she felt bad about it and kept saying sorry. This got us close.
Living in a boy’s hostel, where any contact to women was a dream. She did give me little importance and that was enough for me fall in love.
Later at the school fete she gave me a slip of paper, which said “please tell the man in the mirror that I am fond of him”. It was quite a strange way to propose. And quite a duffer I was, I did not understand till the whole school had read the proclamation.
Then everyone knew that I had a girlfriend. It was a great feeling.
We used to meet at midnight in the lawn, at her bathroom window, and on an occasion I had to hide under the bed as her grand dad entered the room on a diwali night.
Then came March of 88, my 10th std. boards were on and I was trying to get a little serious in studies. I used to avoid my late night meets.
My close friend, who tired of my boastful behavior on having a girl friend, said, “What’s the big deal, even I can kiss her”.
I believed....“If you love some one, set them free, if they come back they are yours for life, if not, they were never yours in the first place”.
I still believe in the same philosophy, I introduced my friend to her, later in the night I saw them kissing passionately.
It was end of the world for me, at least for next 3 months. Then I fell in love again with her cousin.
Though, we were good friends till 1995, and had several occasions to spend time with her. But it was not the same again.
She has gone ahead and become a famous designer, a wife and a mom.
I am sure she can’t forget me, at least not on certain occasions.
Like I remember her, on every 12th June.
Happy Birthday, sweet heart.

(Neha ji, do I need to explain this one, or will you consider this my literary creativity!)
Yes and I remember that I once wished you one day in advance.

Bad Day

Today has been a bad day.

It is offical that the litchi season will not last more than a few days now.
We have not been able to do even 30% of last year. God knows what we are going to do about it.

All the money is over, buyers want their goods despatched soon, we dont have them.

Visited Moms doc again, Mom has to her self operated upon soon. so much for my Orthodoxy.

Doc has lost a lot of weight, burnt her shoulder somehow, it couldnt be a love bite, she lied to me, she said she liked my strawberry jam. later she admitted that she did not try.

Muski, pasted a big "happy fathers day" Poster on the newly painted wall, I yelled, everyone is unhappy.

I sit alone in the office at midnight, thinking how to brighten up things.

Drinking is not an option.

IPL is over, preity is travelling with the bachhans.

All preity's are Bz.

Even, dreams will be difficult to come by today.

Good Night.